"What on Earth is that?"

That was the question on my mind when my psychiatrist told me that I had "some" Cyclothymia in the mix with my anxiety and borderline traits.

I nodded along and then as soon as I left the office I googled "Cyclothymia".

Cyclothymic Disorder (Cyclothymia) is a mood disorder on the Bipolar spectrum (but symptoms do not reach the diagnostic threshold for Bipolar Disorder I or II). It is characterised by the chronic cycling (at least two years) between low mood / depressive episodes and hypomania - "high" moods that can involve feeling euphoric, full of energy, productive but can also cause irritability, restlessness and a feeling of anxiety (click here for more information on Mind's website). 

Sources seem to vary on this very underdiscussed disorder - the NHS website characterises it as "mild" but also warns it has the potential to develop into Bipolar Disorder if left untreated. This leaves me with questions - comments, really - such as why does nobody talk about this? and who on Earth is characterising this as "mild"? 

Perhaps it's the added on borderline, but to me, my cyclothymia is not "mild"; my lows are very low and my hypomania isn't all fun and productivity, often it leaves my mind racing in a way that rivals my anxiety. It's definitely not as disruptive as Bipolar Disorder, but why does this mean that it can be reduced to something barely worth mentioning? Between my "baby" bipolar and borderline traits, I feel like I've scrounged together just enough symptoms, pain, and difficulties to actually merit having a diagnosis that isn't shrugged aside. Do I have enough points for my diagnosis to matter yet? Am I even allowed to complain about Cyclothymic Disorder if it's not as bad as other disorders, something the NHS website puts rather a fine point on? 

Other resources (such as Bipolar UK and Mind) do characterise it as a form of Bipolar Disorder, even if it's not quite at that threshold, as they consider it to be on the bipolar spectrum. I've taken to telling people I have "mild form of bipolar"  (which seems disingenuous) because nobody knows what the heck Cyclothymic Disorder (or Cyclothymia) actually is.  

There might be people out there that can't understand why this actually matters, but this is the exact point of Mental Health Awareness Week -  it's difficult to talk about something, access treatment for it and reduce stigma if we don't know what it is.

My psychiatrist breezed past that term like it was inconsequential, but it's not to me. It's important to me, it is a part of me, and that part deserves to be recognised on its own instead of being overlooked or overshadowed.

So if you're like me, struggling to talk about your diagnoses in a society that doesn't know about them or understand them, struggling to feel like your disorder(s) is even worth discussing in a community full of so many struggles that seem so much worse than your own, I see you. I am writing this post for you, for me, for anyone with a disorder that nobody talks about, for anyone feeling like their struggle isn't valid. 

We deserve a space too.